Observations of Iowa:
Iowa is an entirely unremarkable state. Its expanses of empty fields leave a person feeling at home or isolated from reality. I tend to believe that I am in the latter. It is true that I was born here but that is saying very little. About six months after my birth, my mother packed me up and moved us to live with my father’s family in Wisconsin. One of many moves I will undoubtedly make during my journey through life. My perceptions of Iowa, prior to moving here, consisted of what I had seen in the few trips to visit distant relatives. Of course, the open fields, the agrarian communities strewn across the landscape like stars in the nights sky, and a relatively slow pace to life all define Iowa. Since moving here, those observations are still evident but there are other truths I have come upon.
Over the course of 24 years, I must have shed whatever outer appearance I may have had that linked me to Iowa. I can enter any restaurant or bar in this state and it is as if I have some infectious disease which is outwardly noticeable to all but me. Like out of a Hollywood movie, I enter through the front door, the music in the juke box screeches to a halt and every neck snaps in my direction to look at the incoming freak show. I want to scream the immortal words of Joseph Merrick, "I am not an animal!" I have a high and tight hairstyle, t-shirt and jeans. I am not dressed any differently than anyone else but for some weird reason, people in Iowa have a sixth sense for people not of Iowa.
Iowa is an entirely unremarkable state. Its expanses of empty fields leave a person feeling at home or isolated from reality. I tend to believe that I am in the latter. It is true that I was born here but that is saying very little. About six months after my birth, my mother packed me up and moved us to live with my father’s family in Wisconsin. One of many moves I will undoubtedly make during my journey through life. My perceptions of Iowa, prior to moving here, consisted of what I had seen in the few trips to visit distant relatives. Of course, the open fields, the agrarian communities strewn across the landscape like stars in the nights sky, and a relatively slow pace to life all define Iowa. Since moving here, those observations are still evident but there are other truths I have come upon.
Over the course of 24 years, I must have shed whatever outer appearance I may have had that linked me to Iowa. I can enter any restaurant or bar in this state and it is as if I have some infectious disease which is outwardly noticeable to all but me. Like out of a Hollywood movie, I enter through the front door, the music in the juke box screeches to a halt and every neck snaps in my direction to look at the incoming freak show. I want to scream the immortal words of Joseph Merrick, "I am not an animal!" I have a high and tight hairstyle, t-shirt and jeans. I am not dressed any differently than anyone else but for some weird reason, people in Iowa have a sixth sense for people not of Iowa.
Girls in Iowa are pretty disappointing as well. Upon my arrival, I asked if there were any good looking girls around and when pointed towards a few examples, I said a very eager, "No thanks." My coworkers countered me by saying that they will begin to look "good" after a few months. What is this, prison? The fact of the matter is, they were right. I know that I have been here too long when the girls in Iowa Falls start to look like a good idea. Thank goodness I will be able to leave in a couple of weeks. This may be an exaggeration but it's pretty damn close...
Iowa has been kind to me in many ways, however. The people at the college are nice and the fact that I don’t have to pay for rent or food is a bonus. My room is just that. Four walls made of the best cinder block money can buy. The electricity is steady and rarely goes out. The cable is fuzzy but, also, rarely goes out. 
The food choices in this town however make it difficult to maintain a weight below a metric ton. Every restaurant is a buffet, which combined with my lacking strength of will can be a lethal combination. I have a super mini fridge in my room which stores about two meals worth of food so... I either have to shop for groceries every day or try to work off every bit of food I eat. It’s a daunting challenge but one I have to be up for.
These are just a few observations I have had on Iowa thus far. I am sure I will have more but until then, keep on keepin’ on. For more on Iowa, here is Bullsh** video about it...
These are just a few observations I have had on Iowa thus far. I am sure I will have more but until then, keep on keepin’ on. For more on Iowa, here is Bullsh** video about it...
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